Toxic parents... Toxic life

Last Monday (June 1st) I started feeling a bit under the weather. Coughing, shortness of breath, and  a killer headache... among other things. I told my mother how I was feeling and that I wanted to go to the hospital because I honestly just felt really crappy. You know what she did!? She gave me some over the counter medicine because it was “only a cold” and told me that I should stop whining. 

Now, flash forward to 10 days later.... (June 11th) 

I STILL feel like shit. Every time I cough it feels like my insides are loose... I went to the doctor today for something unrelated to my “cold” and mentioned that I was a bit under the weather. Even though she still would have noticed if I hadn't told her anything. She did the whole doctor thing where she stuck a Popsicle stick on my tongue and made me go "AAAAAAH" (which by the way made me gag horribly). She used her stethoscope (I totally had to look up the spelling for this word) and she listened to my heart and lungs. Both my heart and right lung are working perfectly, but my left lung is making a slight noise. Apparently this sounds like the beginning of asthma. My doctor told me that I've been literally having a very, VERY mild asthma attack for the past ten days. 

Now... I don't want to play the blame game, but if I had gone to the doctor that first day, I wouldn't have felt so bad all these days. 

No! Wire! Hangers!

Although I can't put all the blame on my mother, because after all, I am an adult. People have told me that I could have gone to the doctor by myself, hell I'm 27 years old! But you see I live in a constant fear (I think it's better to call it respect though) of my mother. It doesn't reach the "Mommie Dearest" point, but it's pretty close. My mother has never physically harmed me (unless you count overfeeding and neglecting my health as a child) but she does manipulate me in a way that's just out of this world. 

It's basically a case of history repeating itself, because my mom went through mental manipulation with my grandma (may she rest in peace). My grandmother used to beat , burn and overwork her own adopted daughter and my mother grew up in fear of her mother. Now, I'm not saying this is exactly what I'm going through because I tend to speak up more than my mom, which she hates. My mom actually never spoke up, that's our big difference. 

Long story short (TOO LATE!)

I'm borderline asthmatic. My mother could have prevented it. I'm kind of scared of my mother. 

BUT I WILL BEAT EVERYTHING THAT COMES MY WAY